Veiled

Mental quivers magnify
the nothingness
empty-handed I enter
over and over
spaces filled with action conversation intention
but I am a ghost
floating through life
of hollow purpose
my paltry presence stirs shame
reinforcing my desire to remain unseen
except
wisdom espies some place inside
where I keep showing up
crossing that threshold
a weary but resolute warrior

An old journal entry inspired this poetry. Infertility is a constant battle between the will to give up and the will to go on, in every sense. Mental health matters. I came into this experience with a history of anxiety and OCD that followed me from childhood. Still, I have come to learn that even healthy women who experience miscarriage or infertility are at significant risk for developing mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression. One study found that 25% of women satisfied the criteria for PTSD in the months immediately following early pregnancy loss. Left untreated, such conditions negatively impact overall health and quality of life. Another alarming correlation: anxiety and depression may decrease the effectiveness of assistive reproductive technology. Given research highlighting the link in both directions, mental health should be an absolute priority in ongoing and aftercare. In sharing my story, I hope to campaign for others.